I recently went back to therapy. I like to go every few years for a kind of “brain tune-up”. This time around has been especially helpful. My therapist just gets right to the heart of things quickly.
Why am I telling you this? Well, the other day I was at my appointment, and the subject of holidays came up. I am not especially fond of any holiday except Halloween these days. I don’t like Thanksgiving in particular, but it wasn’t always like that.
When I was a kid, I liked all the holidays, including Thanksgiving. After my Grandmother died, I stopped liking the holidays. The holidays became this tense and unpleasant time where everyone complained about everyone else, and the energy was just plain… bad.
So, my therapist asked me what in particular was so great about the holidays when my Grandmother was still with us. I told her about how it was my job to set the table. I was my Grandmother’s assistant. She would go to the china cabinet and get out this photo from a magazine of an elegant place setting, so I could copy it. That photo always came out to help me during the holidays, and I just liked helping her. I felt so proud, so important.
Unfortunately, after my Grandfather passed, the family was packing up the house, and I couldn’t find the picture. I was going to frame it. So, that is why I really enjoyed the holidays, but I didn’t feel like I had communicated to my therapist why. As usual, she knew exactly what I was trying to say. “You were seen during those times. She saw you.” Wow, just wow. Yes, that is exactly what it was!
My Grandmother always “saw” me. She saw me when I was happy, sad, silly, whatever. She loved me no matter which one of those people I was.
Cut to today and my life as it is now. It is pretty great, I gotta say. I am seen. I am living my best life. I have a job I love. I have a great home. I have friends. I have my writing to express myself. I have a blog and a hobby that makes me happy. I had no idea that my blog and cosplaying were my way of being “seen” again!
Out of all of these great things in my life, most of all, I have a great kid. Now that I know how to properly express it, let me say this. My one job with him is to make sure that he is “seen”. Everyday and in every way. I think I already am, but I definitely will. I will because of how great being seen made me feel when I was a kid, and I want that for my own kid now.
So, first my Grandmother gave me a love of style and fashion, mid-century style in particular. Then she “saw” me as I was. Both of these gifts serve me well in my adult life. Finding cosplay and blogging is a way to be seen, and my love of 50s style is a perfect fit for my cosplays. I feel like she is still helping me. I love how I continue to discover new ways to be grateful to my Grandmother. What incredible gifts she gave me.
So, here’s to being seen!