The “Rules” for Body Confidence and Body Positivity

I talk a lot about body confidence and body positivity in my writing, but it occured to me that not everyone has body confidence and positivity and may not even know what the heck those things are.

How do you achieve body confidence? I mean, there are so many things out there working against you. The photoshopped models in magazines, fat shaming celebrities on the internet and on television, weight loss “solutions” in infomercials and trolls leaving comments on just about everything. This is a struggle for everyone. Even celebrities are not immune. Leslie Jones actually had trouble getting a designer to work with her for the “Ghostbusters” premiere (Christian Siriano, for the win!).

I put the word, “rules” in quotes because I will never, and I mean, never, write rules for how to go about your life, express yourself and conduct your business. My articles are not the destination for that, but I did think a list of items, or “rules” for achieving that body confidence would be helpful. I know that some of them were a nice reminder to me, so I hope you get some benefit from them as well. Here we go!

  • Stop all talk about “flaws” or hiding anything. As many different people as there are in the world, that is how many different types of looking people there are. Some have freckles, some do not, some have birthmarks, some do not, etc. These things are what make you, you. They are not flaws. I’ll give you an example. I have a double-chin. Do I like it? Hell, no! I’ve worked very hard to learn how to pose in pictures so that it doesn’t show. Is it a flaw? Hell, no! It is part of my face. You don’t have to like all the parts of you, but don’t refer to any part of you as a “flaw”. Got it? Good.
  • Be honest with yourself about who you are and what you look like. I am a plus-size, 50 year old woman. I have a big butt. I have a tummy pooch. I love my butt, but don’t like my tummy. I’m never going to be built like Scarlett Johannson. She’s already taking care of that job nicely. My job is to look like Kim, the single mom who is 50 and plus sized. Once I let go of the “wish I looked like…”, I was free.
  • Take good care of your health. That means feeding your body, your spirit and your soul. That means movement everyday. You don’t have to go to the gym everyday, but get out and do something everyday. Go get your check-ups. Get to know your body and how it works. Be mindful.
  • Stop saying that you will wear the thing or do the thing after “you lose the weight” or “get skinny”. Do not deny life and the joys of it to yourself. Get that dress you want in the size you are now and enjoy life already! Go on that vacation now and take that dress with you!
  • When you look in the mirror or see photos of yourself, no more negative talk. Only positive is allowed. This one is important. This one is also hard. We all seem to be hard wired to be so mean to ourselves. I still fall into this trap from time to time. I have to be mindful and stop myself. It is worth it.
  • From now on, no article of clothing is off limits to you. Do you like leggings? Wear leggings. There are websites that sell them in your size. Yes, there are! Send me a comment, and I guarantee you I will be able to get you to a site that sells them in your size. Never say, “I wish I could wear _____.” Instead, say, You CAN wear _______.
  • Take the fashion rule book and throw it away. No white after Labor Day. Whatever! Wear what you want, when you want. No mini-skirts after age 35. Heck with that! I like my legs. I wear a mini skirt whenever I want. Yourself, your body, your rules. You are fabulous!
  • Take ALL the selfies. Delete the crap ones and keep the good ones. Post them on Insta and Facebook and Twitter. People say you’re vain. So what? Unfollow them. Delete their comments. Let them go. That is their negativity. They have to own it and figure out how to discard it and live their life. You already have a job. Take care of you.
  • Never EVER feed the trolls. You are giving them what they want. Don’t do it, kids! Delete and block and move on.

I hope these tips help you get to a place where you feel nice and comfy with yourself, everyday. We all have our “bad hair days”, but loving yourself and being your biggest fan, well, it is worth it.

Kim Henderson McAndrew is a mom, cosplayer, blogger for, model, warrior for body confidence and positivity, unicorn believer and a huge nerd.

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